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27 October 2013 @ 08:19 am


13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."


12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."


11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."


10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."


9) Pepsi’s "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.


8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.


7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.


6) Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."


5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.


4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope"(el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).


3) The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are You Lactating?"


2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "It Doesn’t Go".


1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela" meaning "Bite the Wax Tadpole" or "Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokoukole", translating into "Happiness in the Mouth."

17 September 2013 @ 05:43 pm

The Fly That Couldn't Fly


There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor.


The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you're full of sh*t.

21 August 2013 @ 10:02 pm


Grandpa and grandma were watching the television
evangelical show and the preacher said, if the
viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one
hand on the television set and the other hand
on the body part where they wanted to be healed.


Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television
set, placed her right hand on the set and her
left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was
causing her to have great pain.


Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed
his right hand on the set and his left hand on
his crotch.


Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you
just don't get it. The purpose of doing this
is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."

17 August 2013 @ 09:16 am

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"


Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."


"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.


Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."

17 August 2013 @ 09:01 am

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw
and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
that man said?"


One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said
'Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!'"


The teacher was unable to teach for the next
10 minutes.

10 August 2013 @ 09:55 am

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did
some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state
line in Illinois for $200.


They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced
lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.


They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows
like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.


They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move
away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from
the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset
and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.


They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount
our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves
forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt
from the side, she walks away to the other side."


The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy
this cow in Illinois?"


The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they
bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know
we got the cow in Illinois?"


The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from

09 August 2013 @ 03:02 pm

This one is priceless. A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!                 A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.        Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Baptist minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:        To: My Loving Wife        Subject: I've Arrived        Date: March 2, 2013        I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.        I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.        P. S. Sure is hot down here!!!    

08 August 2013 @ 09:01 am

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her
birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up
bright and early and off they went to a local
theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride
in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop,
the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!


Five hours later she staggered out of the theme
park, her head reeling and her stomach upside
down. Right to a  McDonald's they went, where
her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra
fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then
it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic,
a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous


Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly
asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six


One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my
dress size."


The moral of this story: Even when the man
is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.


07 August 2013 @ 06:38 pm

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the
door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,
"It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly
this morning on the phone."


Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront
the phamacist and demand an apology. Before he
could say more than a few words, the druggist
told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen
to my side of it...


This morning the alarm failed to go off, so
I was late getting up. I went without breakfast
and hurried out to the car, just to realize that
I locked the house with both house and car keys
inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding


Later, about three blocks from the store, I
had a flat tire. When I got to the store there
was a bunch of people waiting for me to open
up. I opened and started waiting on these people,
and all the time the darn phone was ringing off
the hook."


He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of
nickels against the cash register drawer to make
change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the
nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I
came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer,
which made me stagger back against a showcase
with bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of
them hit the floor and broke.


Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with
no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It
was your wife. She wanted to know how to use
a rectal thermometer...and, honest mister, all
I did was tell her!"

04 August 2013 @ 09:09 am

A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts
for his kids.  He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would
happened if this does not work?'


The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads,


Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it
would not even switch on.


He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange
for another unit.  When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign
assuring him of a guarantee.


The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China. We read from the
right to the left.'